I’ve changed my life 180 degrees in one year, but I’m still not happy?

March 30th, 2009 I was driving to a section 8 area of downtown. I was looking to score some OC from a new guy I just met. He had given me a couple 80′s the previous day, but I was looking to score about 20 of them, so I had a thousand bucks on me. We pulled up and he went inside the apartment. He was in there for about a half an hour then came out and said fucking go if you want to live. It’s just money you’ll get it back. I wasn’t having it, I went up to the door and walked in, this was the first time I had a gun in my face. It was a woman in her 50′s and there was a kid in the corner. She said fucking walk out the door if your smart. I did, I had enough, I was done.

I went to the methadone clinic the next day and signed up for a 30 day detox program. I finished and I’ve been clean ever since, not a beer, not a pill, nothing. As I was getting back to reality I realized that a Hurricane had destroyed my life, relationships, and financial situation. I was thousands of dollars in debt, my credit score dropped 200 points in 6 months, and I was in foreclosure.

About four months ago something went off in my head. I saw an entire blueprint to success in business and in life. I placed all of my efforts from then on in putting myself in other people’s shoes. I sell boats, and I made all of our pricing upfront and honest, no hidden charges. Customer’s love it and we’ve had three back to back to back record months. I’ve made more in the past three months then I did in all of 2009. I am now almost debt free, and have plenty of money in the bank.

I look good now too. When I entered rehab I was 130 lbs and disgusting. My complexion was bad and I looked like I was 50 years old. I’m now 170 lbs, and in shape. I look my age (26) and everyone says I have a glow to me. I’ve also repaired my relationships with friends and family.

However, I’m still unhappy. My ex left me 4 months ago and wanted me to become a better man. She is 6 months pregnant with my child, and I just want her back. I’ve done so much to prove my love to her, and to show that I’m a better man. My life is so much better, but none of it matters without her. She’s going to let me be apart of the child’s life, but I’d love to be the one to hold her and him in bed and make them happy. I want to protect them.

My ex is very proud of me, and I can tell she’s impressed with my new appearance, and success. The local business journal wrote an article on me. I sold 29 boats last month and I guess they like to put articles about good times in tough times. It brought a lot of interest in the dealership, and the boom keeps on booming. My dad is the owner and is so proud of me. I’m on pace to make over 150k this year, and I’ve never made more then 50k.

I know what it takes to be successful, sober, and a good person. However I want her, I miss her, and I’m missing out on so much in life without her. I got to hold her belly last night and feel our son kick my hand. It was amazing, I’d die for that woman. I really would, but even though she’s proud of me she wants to move on, and it kills me.

How can I find peace in this?

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Technorati Tags: 4 Months, Better Man, Blueprint, Complexion, Credit Score, Financial Situation, Foreclosure, Four Months, Friends And Family, Half An Hour, Happy March, Hidden Charges, Life Relationships, Methadone, Methadone Clinic, Money In The Bank, Section 8, Thousands Of Dollars, Three Months, Upfront

Tagged as: 4 Months, Better Man, Blueprint, Complexion, Credit Score, Financial Situation, Foreclosure, Four Months, Friends And Family, Half An Hour, Happy March, Hidden Charges, Life Relationships, Methadone, Methadone Clinic, Money In The Bank, Section 8, Thousands Of Dollars, Three Months, Upfront