Can you tell me what you think of my one liners?

i was just wondering about any i should take out that aren’t very funny

I was robbing this bank and I decided that I’d go in the back and shine a mirror on the tiles so that the cameras wouldn’t work. Half way through I got caught and then I realised there was a flaw In my plan.
It wouldn’t have been to bad but all 3 of accomplices were descendants of Dracula so I got done on 3 counts.
One of these blokes had a bloodsucking insect with them and when the cops surrounded us we persuaded it to flee.
My driver was a herb specialist, he did time
I nearly escaped when I was on trial but I got caught.
When I was in prison there was glass instead of bars on my window but it was so strong I couldn’t smash it. That was a real pain.
They say don’t they that crime doesn’t pay but it obviously does because otherwise people wouldn’t bother.
My cellmate climbed Everest with size 14 shoes, now that was no small feet.
There was one man in there who was sailing a boat with loads of drugs onboard and it started sinking and he was chucking the water back out with a bucket I didn’t really get to know him he got bail.
There was a pig in there and he just stayed I his cell all day and didn’t speak to anyone. He was a right bore
The was a dog as well and he was in for speeding but it wasn’t really fair because the cops had bee tailing him for miles.
There was a fish in the cell opposite me and he always played guitar but it sounded horrible so one day I went over and asked him if he needed a tuner
There was a man who lived in the cell ext to me he was a serial killer. Poor bloke No one sat with him at breakfast.
Someone once said to me . Poverty may be the mother of crime, but lack of good sense is the father” and that’s probably why I robbed the bank because my mums a tramp and my dads John Terry.
There was a gang that I was scared of called the bloods ad the leader was always looking at him in the mirror. He was really vein.
There was this American who left change at all his crime scenes. In the end the police dogs caught his scent
They say that he who benefits from crime commits it which really means everyone in the world should have been fined when jezza punched peirs morgan.
One bloke sold bread there and everyone was really jealous because he made loads of doe.
He was really generous though this bloke he’d give you anything you need.
There was one cell no one wanted because a vegetable had smashed the pipe and it leaked.
When I got out I had a fancy dress party to celebrate and my mate came in a suit of armour. That was a night to remember.

Ummm! Hmmmmmmmm! Ummm! You deserve a star for this lovely joke!!!.

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Tagged as: Accomplices, Blokes, Bloods, Cellmate, Dads, Descendants, Dracula, Good Sense, Herb Specialist, Insect, John Terry, Mums, One Liners, Pig, Poor Bloke, Serial Killer, Size 14 Shoes, T Pay, Tiles, Tramp